You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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