i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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