The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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