Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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