smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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