fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize