we have pet lesbian snakes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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