Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize