We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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