Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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