In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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