So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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