I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize