Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize