His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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