my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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