if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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