i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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