I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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