you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize