Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize