She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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