I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
More tranny stories later!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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