I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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