We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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