At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my being single is dangerous.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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