Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Actions speak louder than pants.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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