I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize