He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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