do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dear god my vagina.
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