Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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