having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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