I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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