Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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