She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize