the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize