I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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Vodka?
Forever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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