I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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