The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize