You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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