ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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