I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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