I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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