I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fuck appropriateness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize