take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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