I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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