why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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