I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is the high leading the old right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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