Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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