I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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