Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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